My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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