you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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