You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
