That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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