pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
