Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think your dad took our porno
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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