Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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