I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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