Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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