Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
