If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you had me at cake vodka
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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