hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
