I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
