White coat. Heels.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wear drunk well.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
