The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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