before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
