At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
