so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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