i just wanna soil my oats bro
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
