there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
