Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
