I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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