About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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