Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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