you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
