her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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