Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
