Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
