I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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