The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize