Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dear god my vagina.
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