I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
