If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
