you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize