how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
