no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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