I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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