i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
