Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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