i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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