He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
