Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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