you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
