Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
