ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
