so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize