Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
