My sheets look like a crime scene.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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