The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
