Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You may now shotgun with the bride
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
