Christians are straight up FREAKS
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
