Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
