You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
