look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
