maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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