Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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