Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize