I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
