I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
