Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
