I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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